Debbie: 0:00

we do a grandparents day every year and seven years ago, we decided to do it a little different and we had a panel and we were so fortunate that year. We had Grandparents from Italy that had grown up there. We had grandparents from Canada, from the States, from Mexico, and they all talked about their childhood and what their experiences had been when they were the same age as our students were at that time. And so they really got to step into that. And our students were fascinated by what they heard, but also, and I remember distinctly one little girl saying, You said you liked all these things, why don't you do them now? And the woman's face was, she was almost in tears. She had gotten so caught up in caring for her children and caring for her husband and doing her duties that she forgot to take care of her. And that young child evoked in her a passion that she was able to then go and ignite when she left. And I thought, wow, so out of the gift in the mouths of babes comes so much wisdom.

Yasmin: 1:18

Welcome back to The Real Retirement Show. My name is Yasmin, here with my co host Kathleen. Whether you're retired or thinking about retirement, we delve into the multifaceted world of retirement beyond the finances. This isn't your typical retirement discussion. It's a vibrant journey into what retirement truly means in today's world. We bring you real stories from real retirees and experts discussing real retirement challenges, surprises, joys, heartaches, And the myriad of emotions that come with retirement from addressing family dynamics, to mental and physical health, to finding purpose. We tackle the issues that truly matter to retirees and those thinking about retirement. Have you ever wondered what a third grade child could teach an adult about retirement? Well, today our special guest is Debbie Elder, a bestselling author. TEDx speaker and the owner of Shady Oaks Primary School in Richmond, Texas. Now, this isn't your typical elementary school. Imagine stepping into a world where grade school students are publishing books, building startup ventures, generating revenue, making shark tank like business pitches, practicing gratitude and empathy, producing holiday shows. And presenting at city commissioner's meetings, to name a few. Education here transcends the traditional, where a child's journey isn't just about learning to read and write, but about igniting a lifelong passion for discovery and growth. In this episode, Debbie discusses the importance of life enriched with curiosity, Lifelong learning and adaptability, values that she instills in her elementary school students. She describes how these principles are applicable not just in childhood, but also in retirement years. She advocates for maintaining an open mind, planning ahead, and being intentional about one's actions and decisions. She also shares her beliefs in the necessity of self awareness, giving oneself permission to pursue passion and living a life of joy. Debbie encourages retirees to approach their golden years like a childhood, with a sense of wonder and curiosity, exploring their passions and remaining open to new experiences. Let's join our conversation. Based on your experience in your, perspective on this , how is the journey of a grade school child similar to someone who may be going through retirement?

Debbie: 3:59

it's funny that you asked that because All of my friends are retired, with the exception of very few, and very many people say to me, Why are you still working? It's crazy. You should be retired. Your husband's been retired for three years. But I truly love the experience I get daily with my students, and What it is about them that I think we need to remember to take into retirement is that curiosity, that love of learning, that opportunity to explore and to see things through new eyes, and I think one of the reasons why I am not retired yet is And I shared this with you several years ago, Yasmin, when I did a presentation on the five phases of retirement and the different phases that you go through it. It's a journey. It's just like grief. It's not to compare it to grief. I don't mean it that way, but it is a journey that we go through because it's a releasing of an identity. and a replacement with something else. And if you're not prepared to do that and haven't done your thinking and don't have a heightened level of self awareness and an opportunity to reflect daily on what your needs are moving forward, you can get yourself into a position that I know many people have where you end up in retirement very, very unhappy not ready. I have two of my staff members and I have a small staff, just ten, who have returned to me from retirement because they got into retirement and it didn't fulfill the needs that they wanted. So knowing all of that gives us a different spin on how we teach our students is to ensure that they go through every different phase and stage of their life fully prepared to step in and ask the questions and find the answers to allow them to really excel in every different session of their life that they go through. So I think it's a matter of preparation and having habits that really lend to your ability to really Sort of set your path in a manner that allows you to have a little bit of say and control as to what's coming up knowing that that's going to meet needs that you've identified and I think part of the problem is it's like we Some people raise children where we become very reactive as opposed to responsive because we haven't thought through what the next stage of their development is going to look like And so we're playing catch up instead of leading the way. And so being leaders in our lives takes some effort. And I think, Allowing people to understand the steps and that the opportunity is available for them to truly lead and to not be that leaf in the wind that's just blowing whichever way it goes, but that knowing you can have a say in the direction you want to walk through really is exhilarating and really helps people to grab hold of what it is that they want in life and make it happen.

Kathleen: 6:59

You know, Debbie, one of the things that I was really impressed about when Yasmin first described your school, to me was, the inability, for retirees when they're moving into that chapter and trying to plan, just as you're outlining is an important thing for your, curriculum is to teach planning and preparedness, is the resistance to be vulnerable. And I think that's one of the bright sides of being a child. You're just so vulnerable. You're just like a little sponge. You just take in everything and there aren't as many roadblocks yet. And so I want to know if we can talk about some of those roadblocks a little bit, because I too have experienced, some friends and some, Acquaintances that are not as happy in retirement, quite frankly, that's why Yasmin and I have this whole project, is that we want people to be joyful within this next, final two or three chapters that they have in their life. And so if you could just, expand on that a little bit. Mm

Debbie: 8:02

So, one of the things that we started doing with our students is a reflection journal. And every day, at the end of the day, we ask them to relate two things that went really well for them that day and why. And two areas that they either need to augment or can improve upon, or didn't quite work out the way they wanted. And the level of self awareness and self reflection doing this journaling has really taken them to a whole different level where they truly understand themselves at a much deeper level and, an ability to express that and to have empathy, which is really important to me for others, because when you understand that there's days that don't always work out the way you want, you can have empathy for the person who's struggling, which with their day. We also end each day with a compliment circle. So I am a nurt heart trained trainer. And the nurtured heart approach talks about the ability to recognize the greatness in others and to always be looking for that. And so our students are equipped, trained, and made aware of looking for the greatness in everyone else in their class. So at the end of the day, when we have our compliment circle, they have the ability to recognize the greatness in the person next to them. Even though they don't know who that's going to be, or what direction the circle is going to go. And what that allows them to do is to always look for what's great. So if I was to ask you and our audience right now to look around the room that you're in and find everything that is red, and you were to find all that for me, and then I was to ask you to close your eyes and simply recall everything in the room that is blue, You'd be like, yeah, that's not fair. You said red. And what happens is the red gets big and bold and bright and everything else kind of fades into the background. And that's what happens when you look for greatness is everything else fades to the background and you really get to hone in on what's amazing about the individuals that you work with, play with and be with. And then being able to put into words, specifically, what it is about them that you really like. And so we use a template that starts with, Today I noticed, and then what they noticed, and what that tells me about you is, and then we insert a character trait. So for example, Today I noticed when I was on the playground and I fell, you saw that I hurt myself and you quickly went inside and got an ice pack for me and brought it out. And what that tells me about you is you're so observant and such a great friend and that you care for me. Thank you. And that's way different than an atavoid drive by, uh, like your hair. And so it really gives them a tool and equipped that they can speak to others and heighten their relationships. We're also going through Vanessa Van Anderhood's book right now called Cues, which talks about micro facial, movements, body language. How to connect with others. How to really ensure that you have charisma. What does charisma involve? An equal opportunity for competence and warmth. And what does that look like? And what are some words that you can use? What do your emails look like when you're really expressing charisma through your emails? How do you ensure that you're communicating? and in really expressing yourself in a way that you want to be heard and my kids are eating it up. And so we started that presentation with the discussion of Shark Tank and talking about when the gentleman who had developed the ring, which is the ability to ring a doorbell and you can see who it is. He went in, already a billionaire, with so many sales, and none of the sharks invested in him because he broke so many micro expressions and body cues. And so I explained that to my students day one, we talked about that story. And then three weeks later, I played the video for them, and we had talked about different ways to identify those micro cues and what they were. And they were able to identify and list everything that he had sort of done wrong, if you will, or that he could have changed or kind of, yeah, presented incorrectly, which is a very unique way to assess understanding and to assess that they truly Thank you. Understand what we're teaching and of course cues is a book written for adults, but these eight through ten year olds were able to observe and take in the information based on the way it was given to them. So, think about that. 10 decades down the road, and now you're 80, you still have those same abilities. You still have the opportunity and the drive to go and learn new things. And I think retirement is such an opportunity to revisit passions and. Things that really excited you that you might not have had a chance to explore in the same amount of depth that you wanted to when you were under the pressures of raising a family and working full time. And so I want to really share with our retirees and our upcoming retirees that this is such a great opportunity for you to be childlike to go back to exploring areas that really, interest you that you might not have had a chance to dig into and to really. Allow yourself to be free and, To be childlike and to just be vulnerable, like you mentioned, and authentic and be you.

Yasmin: 13:40

That's powerful. for those who haven't. gotten a chance to get to know you. Could you share with us a little bit of backstory about your school and how it's different from others and also your journey? how did this all come about?'cause I know you had a different profession earlier on in your career.

Debbie: 13:55

I sure did. So, I started out as a police officer in Ottawa, Canada, my hometown. And then I moved to Calgary where I worked at a young offender center and I ran the disciplinary unit for males between the ages of 12 and 18 who had committed very serious crimes. crimes that in An adult prison would probably have given them life sentences. Though, these were some pretty serious young adults. And what I learned working with them is that we are all bigger victims than we ever victimized. These young men were And it had such terrible lives to that point. They were strictly trying to survive. And so being able to find that piece of empathy for them and to truly identify with what their skill sets were and to help them become who they needed to be was really cool invitation for me at such a young age. I also became the labor relations coordinator at the jail and that's when I learned. At the ripe old age of 25 that not everybody thought like me. It was a pretty interesting observation to have when I started to be the liaison between the union. And the administration and the administration and the staff and the staff of the union. So I kind of was in on anything that was going on in the jail. I was brought in as the person to mediate what was happening and to really try to understand different perspectives. So it was quite a, an interesting journey for, uh, at that point, a very young, naive woman to be given the opportunity to step into. I then had my first daughter Natasha and stayed home with her. I did a little bit of probation work, but very quickly decided that I didn't want to put her in daycare, and I didn't like just being at home. I needed more, and so I convinced my engineering husband that we should be therapeutic foster parents, and what that meant was that we took into our home young women between the ages of 12 and 18 who had very severe behavior issues, several of which I picked up at the jail that I used to work at. And they would come and live in our home. We started as an assessment home. Because of my background, my job was to have the children live with us for four months and assess where they should go. The first young lady that lived with us, her mother lived across the tree farm, so my home backed on to a tree farm in Calgary, and she was behind us, which is very unusual to live that close to your foster family. And my recommendation was that this young lady stay with us. It was turned down because that was not the role that my home had. And several years later, I had my second daughter, and I was up in the middle of the night, changing her diaper and staying with her. And I had the TV on, and Sally Jessie Raphael was on. You may have remembered her show. And the next person to come on stage was a pregnant prostitute, who turned out to be my very first, foster daughter. And that at that point was, yeah, it was really hard because I know we had such an opportunity to change that young woman's life. We had 38 different foster girls live with us. The last couple stayed for an extended period of time. With social media now, we're able to keep in touch with them and connect again, which has been very cool. And I was able to change. I kind of fought the legislature on the, way that they had our foster home designated. And so we were able to keep, the last couple of girls for a much longer period of time and really make a difference. So that was pretty exciting. We then were moved to Ireland, where we lived in Cork for about 10 months before moving to Houston. When I got to Houston, I worked at a preschool for a couple of years. one of my daughters attended there. When she finished, I left and ended up speaking nationally, training teachers on classroom management, behavior management, classroom techniques and styles and ways to teach. I also started to homeschool my daughters, which I did until they went to college. during that time I opened. 14 different middle and high schools. We also schooled 14 additional kids in our home daily for 5 years. so doing all of that was pretty exciting. Running those schools was, eye opening and they were accelerated learning programs, so we were able to teach kids ways to complete school much quicker. So, for example, my daughters did what's called a 2 plus 2 plus 2. So, 2 years in high school. Two years at a junior college, two years at a four year college, which still allowed my daughters to graduate the same year as valedictorian and salutatorian at the college that they had attended. And so that was an awesome experience. I then became a college planner where I helped. Get their children into college and prepare their kids to be successful in college before embarking on the journey. I'm on now, which is working with elementary school students. I've had my school for 9 years and we serve kinder through 5th grade and our. Really enjoying what we do, and making changes, and really significantly impacting our community with the voices of children and giving them the opportunity to have a stage to share their ideas and their thoughts. So, that's me.

Kathleen: 19:24

that's all I can say. Wow, wow. I love the fact that you've, really outlined the possibilities in life and you've never held back for lack of confidence, which is great. And I, there's a word that you said earlier that I think really, is enhanced by your journey and that's curiosity. And always wanting to see what's around the corner. How can I improve things? What's happening with this particular person? How can I alter their life? And I certainly sense a tremendous amount of applicable, Theories or actions that you utilize with your students and how those could really help with the transitions later in life. And I think that because sometimes, people are pigeonholed through their career and don't have the courage to do what you did, and learn more about you, you have an extensive understanding about the human nature. of people and understand the psychology of why they do things and how they can change. Those principles are absolutely essential when you're trying to transition from what was perhaps a career, sometimes not always your choice. it's certainly the case with boomers, because quite frankly, many of them were thrust into careers that were chosen by either a guidance counselor or perhaps their parents, and they took that path for a number of years and now they lack the opportunity to allow themselves to be open minded. To the curiosity that you've demonstrated in your story, hopefully leaders helping people through this transition, how can we ignite that curiosity again and help them understand that open mindedness will open doors? Oh,

Debbie: 21:14

So there's an exercise that I teach, both the corporate employees that I train and also my own students, and it's called a wish list. And what I have noticed over the years is people know what they don't want. But it's very difficult for them to identify what they do want. And when you engage in this exercise, it helps you to identify that. So if you imagine that Aladdin has come in the door and he's put his lamp down and you rub the lamp and out comes the genie and she says, Oh no, we're not doing three wishes today. Today you get 101. The caveat is you need to write them down. And so I would invite all of our viewers to take this challenge to write down 101 wishes. And I'll tell you what's going to happen because I've been doing this now for about 40 years is the first 30 to 35 are going to be very materialistic. Unless it's right after Christmas and then it's just hard. But it tends to be things that you want. You want a new house, you want a new car, you want landscaping, you want a pool. What do you want? Write it down. After you write down those things, now you have to really go deep. Where do you want to travel? Who do you want to spend time with? How do you want to spend your days? What excites you? What do you want to learn about? And you've got to go really deep and dig into those. And then I want you to finish that You get 101 things written down, you fold up your paper, you put it into your drawer, and you let it sit for two weeks. Because now you've activated your particular activated system, right? You've allowed it to say, these are the things I want, go find them. Because I bought a car a couple years ago, and I'm not really a vehicle person. So I got this car, I didn't even know it existed before I purchased it. Guess what I saw? Every stoplight, everywhere I went, that vehicle. I'd never seen it before because my reticular activated system was aware of it. So when you allow yourself to think big, to decide what it is you want, opportunities become available to you that you can act on. In two weeks, when you open that list back up, ten of the items that you've written down will have manifested. And then you can work towards manifesting the rest. You're also going to notice on that list is it's a great precursor to setting SMART goals because categories are going to emerge. You're going to see areas, Oh, these are the places I want to travel. These are the skill sets I want to learn. These are the people I want to spend time with. And then you can work towards putting a plan of action so that you can attain exactly what it is that you want. So I think that using that system. Has helped many of my students. We all do it here on campus, but it's also helped many, many people around the country to get very clear on what it is they, that they want. And there's another, opportunity that I would also challenge our listeners to perhaps think about. And that is writing a letter to yourself for the future. So think about, you know, people talk about writing your obituary. This is a little different. so, for example, my teachers. In September, before we start school, we'll write a very detailed letter to themselves that they will open in May that outlines the school year. And they get right into the nitty gritty about what the classes are going to look like, how the students are going to get along, how they're going to respond, what kind of level of respect, everything that they want. And they're always shocked when they open that letter in May and read the truth. Because that's what happened. And so I think we have a lot more ability to control what we want in our retirement, if we would really give ourselves the opportunity to think it through, and to work through. I'm a big believer in masterminds. I know Yasmin and I have talked about it. I've been in several and being able to be with a group of people that will not only hold you accountable, but will also hold you accountable. Work is hard to solve your challenges and overcome things that are working in your world that you need to deal with and address, as you will, just gives you access to four or five different brain power that can really accelerate your ability. So if you're thinking that perhaps Retirement is something you're going to be entering into. Getting together with like minded people to really talk about how you can support each other in this next new exciting phase of life. I mean, it should not be somewhere where we go To just retire. It's such an opportunity to sort of dig into the, wonderfulness of everything that we've done to prepare ourselves for this moment. I remember distinctly having a conversation with my uncle when I was in my late teens and saying, I think the world is backwards. I think I should retire until I'm 45. And then I'll work it off. I'll pay it back because now I'm young. I have lots of energy. I can travel places. I think we have it backwards and I still adhere to that. I'm just not sure how to make the logistics work yet,

Yasmin: 26:10

I think I'm practicing that, Debbie. I I'm like, wait a minute. That's exactly kinda what I'm doing here. but Debbie, you know the time that I've gotten a chance to get to know you, I think that I could summarize and. Three words, more than three words, but I'll just choose three words is first of all, is intentional, second is awareness. And the third is possibilities. I think those are three essential, elements to really take with us during our retirement journey. And especially around possibilities. I really think you're an ambassador of possibilities because when you told me that your grade school kids. wrote books during the summer when you've shared with me that they did a whole shark tank experience they've produced holiday shows, all the things that you've, shared I'm just like, is that even possible? And of course you've made it possible. And so I'm curious if you would share with some of our audience, what are some of those seemingly impossible things for a grade school child, that you've helped them experience and how can we explore those possibilities as a retiree?

Debbie: 27:14

Well, I'm a, a big supporter of a group here in Houston. I'm sure they're everywhere, but it's retired entrepreneurs that will meet with you and help you to build your business. And they've been very helpful to me over the years. And. As I've realized, so I grew up in a very government town, Ottawa. Everybody works for the government. I didn't even know what the word entrepreneur was until I was much older and I wanted to really introduce my students to the opportunities of jobs that their parents and their parents friends might not be in because we tend to be exposed only to a limited amount. And so we do regular feasts. We have. Tend to have 5 or 6 a year, and each time we bring in a guest speaker, and Yasmin has been a speaker for us in the past, doing things that our regular parents, our current group don't do so that they can understand. I've had engineers come in who have left engineering to become musicians who gig on a regular basis. And what does that transition look like? And that, You know, you can be an engineer, but you can also play the guitar and just making them aware of all the opportunities. We also do, as Yasmin was alluding to, we have an opportunity in the fall to teach our students during Genius Afternoon, which is an idea I shamelessly stole from Google, where they give their employees 5 percent of their work week time to look and think about other things. We do the same here. So first semester, the students are taught Friday mornings. financial literacy, and then the afternoons they're given. an hour and a half to really dive into anything they want to learn about. So this fall we had kids learn about bamboo. They were really interested in that. We had other kids learn about how air tanks work. Other kids were figuring out World War II airplanes. Another group were trying to determine how to make the best fudge. Another group was learning magic tricks. It didn't matter. They had a plan. They had to come up with a timeline on how they were going to complete. Their plan, what was their end presentation going to be, a PowerPoint, a diorama, a show, and then they had the opportunity to present to us, and they did an amazing job of managing their time, coming up with ways to research, and then producing. Now that we're into our second semester, They have been tasked with getting ready for a bazaar where they will come up with a widget and that they will sell. And so they, come up with an idea, then they decide do they want to work as a solopreneur, in a partnership, or with a team. They form those, they come up with an idea that they then present to their first Shark Tank, and the students will give them feedback. Then they make a prototype that they then present again to the Shark Tank and they get feedback and they have to share with us at that moment what it costs to make one of their items so we can work on pricing and figure out profitability. Then they write an angel investment letter to procure funds to allow them to produce their supplies. Then they go into production. About the third week of April, we'll talk about how to best display their, Where's if you will, and how they're going to package them for sale. And then we have our bazaar the first week in May in the community where they earn real money. So last year, our top producer earned 1, 138. in the third grade selling her artwork, which is so cool. Before she got her money though, we paid back her angel investor and she produced for me a profit and loss sheet and a balance sheet. So they're very aware of the effort that goes into being a successful entrepreneur. And it's very interesting always the day of the sale because they're, they're always watching to see who seems to have a lot of buzz around the table and who's making lots of sales. And typically only to find out the next day when we sort of get down to business and look at profit and loss that they were very busy that day perhaps, but their costs were much more. than the person who actually made the most profit. They had a lot of revenue, but so it's just a really great opportunity for them to really live it, feel it, do it. And we've heard back from our students, who are now our alumni, where that type of hands on learning is just so sticky that they were able to take it forward. And I think with the amount of opportunities that we have now to learn through YouTube. Google, there's just so many ways that we, as adults, can learn new things. I really want to encourage our audience to be thinking about, just like these young students have learned financial literacy, have learned how to market, have learned how to Ask for money. What are some things that we as adults who are getting ready to step into the next phase? Maybe you've always wanted to learn more about wines. Maybe it's time to go to Italy and learn about how to prepare Italian feasts. Like what is it that really you are passionate about that? You've kind of put on the back burner that you now have a chance to open up revisit And dive into and to give yourself permission to think like a child, because whatever you want is possible. We've learned that we've taught that to our students. We've given them a voice to go and speak to our commissioners in our city to give a presentation at a commissioners meeting in front of 75, 000 people. Adults of the community to ask for the opportunity to paint the asphalt out front of our school to allow traffic slow down to keep children safe. Now, we weren't given permission to do that. There was an ordinance in town that didn't allow it, but they were heard. They felt validated. They put the prep time in. And They knew, even though they were 10 years old, that the adult in this community would hear them out and listen to them and give them the opportunity to speak their truth, and I think that is something that we forget as we grow older, and maybe there's areas where We can allow our elderly to work with our children and to really share that wisdom and to allow our children to help maybe with that perspective of understanding new technology and that, sort of curiosity that they have and if, adults will go into the situation, valuing what the child has to offer, they're going to learn a lot about Thank you so much. just the innocence and the, opportunities that lie before them to rejuvenate them and to give them a sense of hope. And, I think sometimes we can get a little crusty and we get kind of beaten down. And one of the reasons why I work with children is they remind me every day that. Life is great and there's so much joy in just seeing a butterfly or catching a ball that you didn't think you could catch or learning a math. Problem and being able to do it and making continual strides towards perfection in areas that you're trying to gather I think as we get older we stop doing those things and being around children allows me. To be reminded daily that there is so much growth that I still can value and participate in and I I'm very thankful for that.

Kathleen: 34:49

I'm just going to add to this if I can at this point, Yasmin and I have spoken to hundreds of retirees and much of what you're explaining right now is what we have become aware of. The need for them not to decide they can't do something or I'm too old to do that or my health prevents me from doing that. And actually Yasmin and I. met at a mastermind class, so I'm totally on board with that. And, further to that, I loved that accountability is always a piece. And so your students have that accountability piece built into the curriculum. But as we exit our career, it's amazing to me. How much financial literacy is required, especially if one spouse has been kind of the caretaker of all the finances, and then, are left with a group of people who are a little insecure. I'm too old to learn this, which is absolutely not the case. And I love the fact that you've explained it as well as you have about the open mindedness that children have and the acceptance that they have. And I hear you speak about the optimism that children have and the expectation that they will get the opportunity to explore different things that otherwise they might not in a normal curriculum, So, I'm so thrilled that we had this conversation and continue to do so, because I really truly believe that what you're explaining can transition so effortlessly to our retirement. I'm like high five.

Debbie: 36:32

I think, too, that, um, I know for me, I have daily practices that allow me, because we are programmed, I believe, physically to be on alert, on guard, looking for the negative, making sure we're safe, in a survival mode, and in order to overcome that, it has to be very intentional. And I think As we get older, and as I just observe, the people that I know as they've grown older, we can get a little cynical, and we can get a little set in our ways, and I think in order to continue to have that sense of curiosity and wonder needs to be intentional, and there's, there's certain things, and you call it scenario writing, we call it scripting, but it's the same, right? it's getting up, it's keeping a gratitude journal, Yeah. Yeah. So I keep many journals and being grateful for the things that I have. We end each day with a compliment circle, as I mentioned, to allow our students to continue to look for the greatness in others. And I think that's something that can easily be done. in a home setting. having family meetings and really talking to your spouse about what's important and setting time to truly look at, like, we spend months, years sometimes planning our weddings, but very little time talking about our marriage. So I'm thinking with retirement, there's such an opportunity for those conversations to happen and to explore with your significant other what it is that you want moving forward. And to be open to, being willing to, to try new things and to give yourself credit for things that you know. You have so much to, to share with others. Maybe it's time to write your book. Maybe it's time to do your podcast or to start a YouTube channel, but there's things that you can offer, things that, maybe scare you a little bit. Like, get out there and do something a little on the edge that gives you a little thrill and it makes you feel alive and that you can be proud of when you finish. And I think not challenging ourself really, really hurts us. It really removes that, opportunity to really shine and to show ourselves just how wonderful we are. And I think it's great to hear it from others, but we have to truly believe it for it to resonate with us.

Yasmin: 38:50

we're in a time in our lives, Debbie, that, we're so rich in possibilities and resources that we don't have to go on this journey alone. We don't have to try to figure it out. You know, part of our mission with our joyful retirement project and this, podcast and everything that we do is to invite people to discover possibilities and opportunities to. Collaborate and work with each other and learn and support one another. And, and I think that's part of the richness that we get a chance to experience is to expand beyond our own experience and our own possibilities. And so I love that you foster and inspire an ecosystem, a community in, at the stage of your children's lives that, that really, foster that type of collaboration beyond just themselves.

Kathleen: 39:39

And I would think that once you have that, once you've gained the skill in order to do that, that's now going to be your M. O. for the rest of your life.

Debbie: 39:51

our hope that we're, yeah, we're instilling success strategies. We do, project based learning. So our learning covers all areas of our curriculum. And I think project based learning can easily step into retirement, right? It's where you decide something you're going to, maybe you've always thought about deep sea fishing, but you've never done it. So maybe it's time to do some research, to find some other people that like to do that, to rent a boat, to go get a guide, and just go experience it. So how do you step into that new part of you with everything you have, right? Where you're like kind of all in. And when we do the project based learning, it allows our students to see how in the real world, When you decide to do something, it touches all aspects of your life. It's not just in math class, because that's very unrealistic. And it's so 130 years ago when they set up the educational system to get people ready to work in the factories to produce the wages they were trying to produce. We're not doing that anymore. And so we've got to continue to learn new ways to be in this new world. And I think there's so much wisdom in our baby boomers, in our people that are heading into retirement, that needs to be given back. To the rest of us, and that would be a great way for people to really identify, you know, what are some of the life lessons that they've learned and how can they put those into a comic book for kids or a funny movie or an. Animated comic strip. I don't know, but there's so many things that in a mastermind working together, collaborating, and what I love about collaboration is in order to be a good collaborator, you've got to show up being able to address and share your skill set. Therefore, you need to know what those are. And so I would encourage all of our listeners to take some time over the next couple of days to write down what are you good at? What are your strengths? what are things that you bring to the table? Because you're here for a purpose, and we all deserve to have Access to the best you and so I believe strongly that your job is to procure that and to bring it out so that we get to all benefit from what you were put on this earth to bring and I think that that allows us to really all get better at what we do and to produce a better existence for everyone and so if you haven't had an opportunity to do that yet in retirement now you've got time, you've got an opportunity to really dig in you

Kathleen: 42:25

feel so compelled because so much of what you're saying really ties in beautifully with what we know seniors and retirees need and what you've just explained would really help with self esteem. Because when that transition happens and they sell their company or, change their career or retire, and some people are, into retirement, not by choice. And, so they seem to lose their, worth, their self esteem and they flounder a little bit with confidence. And so doing that, task would really help build that. Back when it's the most needed thing, because if you don't have that, you can't walk across to a room and introduce yourself in a new social setting. You can't say, I always wanted to paint. So I'm going to go find a teacher and I'm going to take lessons. It's. Really a stumbling block. it prohibits so much growth if you don't have that self confidence. So that's, a wonderful tool that you've just explained.

Debbie: 43:24

Well, I think it's something, too, that we need to be aware of and to start thinking about. Now, you can't wake up the day you've decided you're retired and think you're going, it's like when I used to talk to my college students. You can't walk onto a college campus and be endowed with all the responsibility and the self esteem and the self awareness that you need to be a successful college student. You need to work on that before you go. And I think we really need to look at stepping into retirement. with some acknowledgement that there is some work to do before you do that in order to enjoy it fully. It's not, we do a great job for the most part of putting together funds for retirement. That seems to be what everybody talks about, but nobody really talks about what they're going to do with those funds other than Well, I'm not here to survive. I'm here to thrive. And so what does that look like for me? And I've struggled with that. And Yasmin and I have had several discussions where I'm like, I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. This is hard. But it's, it's really, it's good to have those conversations. It's good for me to observe what others are doing and I need to journal it. Maybe I'm getting old to write down things. I'm like, Oh, I really enjoyed when I did that. Right? So I'll go and be a judge for a high school DECA competition and just get so much joy out of watching these young adults, try to pitch me on their marketing skills. Right? And so how do I take that feeling and reproduce it in other areas? That would also bring me the same amount of joy. And I think that. Yeah. Knowing what brings you joy is a big handicap for a lot of people because they're just not sure and so identifying that is Yeah, and I think that's where our friends and our mastermind groups and our social circles can really help us To determine what those are and we go through different phases things that you know really Enticed me in my 20s Not so much anymore. and being able to recognize that and say, it's okay. And to move on to the next phase, but to be awareness is, important. And like you said, self esteem, my belief is it comes from what you do, not from what others say. You have to feel it. It has to be internal. And so one of the things that we do with our students here who may be struggling is to really almost hold like a stake. In the ground that says you're going to get here and I'm going to hold this for you. I believe in you so strongly that I'm going to help you get here that unquavering belief that you believe in them so much allows them to fail and to get back up and to have grit and to have perseverance. We're reading a book right now called Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight. Which is just about that ability to be someone who has that perseverance and willingness to see the goal and get over, get under, get around any challenge in their way to get there. And that comes with when you've been beaten down, when academics may be difficult for you because you're dyslexic or you have ADD or ADHD or whatever your challenges are, learning that there's ways around it can really feed that feeling of self esteem. That they need to be able to persevere through the challenges that we face. And I think as a person who is now ending Maybe their career and stepping into a different phase, being aware of those and how do I take those great skill sets that I have and turn around and serve and being a servant leader in their community can really make a big difference. It can help to feed that feeling of need and recognition and being a part of something bigger than themselves. Because I think that's another thing. And a lot of people are able to meet that need through volunteer work or maybe, joining their church or their place of worship to be able to feed that need. But really there's so many other opportunities that you can do. You just need to, have some fun with it and to be willing to, to try some new things and to, to, Really pay attention to what brings you a sense of light and joy and happiness and that you deserve that. And I think that's the other thing too is that to know that this is your mission. Go get it. It's right there. you want?

Kathleen: 47:54

And it sounds to me like what you're doing in organizing things the way you've just outlined is that you're really building the legacy that you want to have as a reminder of where you were, who you were, and what you accomplished in life for others. I think that sometimes legacy is wrapped around finances, and not necessarily activities or what you've given in life. And I love that you've, outlined that. Yasmin,

Yasmin: 48:22

fan of you and your mission, the work that you do with the children, you're leaving a tremendous legacy that you are shaping so many lives and the future and, the ripple effect is, profound. And so I'm just so grateful that. you're here with us to share this wisdom. and I do have one final question to ask you if, unless Kathleen has anything else to ask is.

Kathleen: 48:45

there's so much I'd like to say, but we only have so much time. So yes,

Yasmin: 48:49

if you were to have your students in a room sitting in front of a group of retirees and seniors, what advice would your students share with, their guests?

Debbie: 49:01

Well, it's so funny you ask that because, probably seven years ago, we do a grandparents day every year and seven years ago, we decided to do it a little different and we had a panel and the grandparents talked about, and we had, we were so fortunate that year. We had Grandparents from Italy that had grown up there. We had grandparents from Canada, from the States, from Mexico, and they all talked about their childhood and what their experiences had been when they were the same age as our students were at that time. And so they really got to step into that. And our students were fascinated by what they heard, but also, and I remember distinctly one little girl saying, You said you liked all these things, why don't you do them now? And the woman's face was, she was almost in tears. She had gotten so caught up in caring for her children and caring for her husband and doing her duties that she forgot to take care of her. And that young child evoked in her a passion that she was able to then go and ignite when she left. And I thought, wow, so out of the gift in the mouths of babes comes so much wisdom. They love recess. So our little ones have recess, four times a day on campus here because they need that opportunity to run around, to play, to be, to be happy, to have joy and. I don't think we, we give ourselves that as adults. sometimes we need permission and I know for me that permission comes from my students to be silly, to have fun, I know years ago, I was invited to go back to school with, Goldman Sachs had a 10, 000 small business initiative. that invited entrepreneurs to join with them and get the equivalent of your MBA through Babson University instruction and to be sponsored by Goldman Sachs to go through this four month program free of charge. So it was an amazing opportunity. And so I told my students what I was doing, not because I wanted them to be proud of me, but because I wanted them to know even someone at my age. As a grandmother goes back to school like learning is lifelong and a little girl in first grade came up to me and said Mrs. Elder, I just can't wrap my head around you going back to school. And I said, well, that's okay. I'm going to go. I'll be there three times a week for the next semester. But it was just, I wanted them to be exposed to that because how many of our parents go back to school? Very few. And so giving them opportunity, they're so willing to accept the norm. And the norm can be abnormal. The norm can be whatever it is we want to share with them. And they're, they're very willing to make that possible. And I think spending time with children, and not just your grandchildren, but spending time with children, can really ignite that sense of possibility as we grow older. we can lose that. We can become very, as I mentioned earlier, kind of, kind of slighted, kind of jaded, kind of. I don't know, grumpy a little bit. And this allows us to have a fresh start each day and to know that it's a clean slate. And I know when we deal with disciplinary issues, that's the one thing my students know. Your actions don't define you. That was just something that happened today. Tomorrow's a brand new day. When you come in to school tomorrow, I treat you like the same person who I've loved for years. your behavior doesn't affect my decision about you. It just gives us an opportunity to learn more and to improve. And I think as adults, we can be very judgmental of both ourselves and others. And to be willing to give each of us. Especially our significant others, a clean slate every day and just go, you know what, I love you today, like I've loved you even more every day, and let's just go see what we can create today together really, allows us to have that sense of adventure that I think sometimes gets lost in translation between doctor's visits and dealing with fixing up houses and whatever it is, it sort of derails us from what We truly want to accomplish and to be thinking about, as you mentioned, Kathleen, our legacy. What is it you want set, at your funeral? I recently buried my mother and I wanted it to be a very happy event. And, we played that song by, I forget his name now. It's just be happy.

Yasmin: 53:46

Oh, Pharrell?

Debbie: 53:47

Yes. And I made them dance out of the chapel into the reception area because that's what my mother loved to do. She loved to dance. And she would have been so upset to think they were sad. We talked about all the great things that she had accomplished in her life and all the joy she brought and the wisdom she shared. it was truly a celebration. So let's celebrate now. Let's celebrate today. Don't wait. Don't put it off. Have fun be, be Kid-like today,

Yasmin: 54:18

today's been a celebration just being with you, so thank you so much. How do people find out more about your school and, find you?

Debbie: 54:26

Well, I'm all over social media. Our website is shady oak primary.com. You can reach out to me at d elder@shadyoakprimary.com if you have any questions or wanna learn more about what we do here. but I would love to hear from your audience and, this has been amazing. Thank you both very much for having me. I really appreciate it.

Kathleen: 54:47

Our pleasure. I so admire what you've done and I love that you've taken all of the life lessons you've learned and all of the different, careers that you've had and you've understood what it took to have those exchanges at all those different areas in your life, and you've implemented a system to make the positive changes in the youth today. So, admire you tremendously.

Yasmin: 55:15

Wow. It's truly a gift to be here with you and just your generous wisdom. And, and again, the impact that you're making is just so amazing. So thank you for sharing that. And hopefully this inspires our audience for what may be possible.

Kathleen: 55:29

if you love what you're hearing and you love what you've just learned, please subscribe. We are hoping to have many, many more episodes with as much rich information as you've gained today. I know that. I've learned things and I, I know that you will too. we're so happy, Debbie, that you came and joined us today and we look forward to following you and having our audience do the same.

Debbie: 55:56

Thank you, Kathleen. Thank you, Yasmin. Thank you, everybody.

Yasmin: 55:59

Thank you for taking the time to join us today. If you enjoyed this episode or found it valuable, please subscribe, follow, and leave a comment or review on your favorite platform. If you have friends, clients, or loved ones who are retired or thinking about retirement, we invite you to share the show with them. Check out the show notes with links to resources mentioned in this episode at realretirementshow. com. Remember retirement is a joyful journey we get to experience together. Join us next week for another Real Retirement Conversation.